Boundaries: Protection, Separation, or Something More?
- Candy Irven
- Jul 10
- 2 min read
One Card Shy Podcast – Deep Dive Blog
Boundaries. The word itself can feel heavy—like a fortress wall or a "Do Not Enter" sign slapped onto relationships. But what if boundaries aren’t just about keeping things out? What if they’re less about separation and more about self-awareness?
In this episode of One Card Shy, we unravel the messy, nuanced reality of boundaries—why they confuse us, when we need them, and how they might be tied to the wounds we’re still healing.
The Boundary Identity Crisis
It all started with a simple question on a codependency assessment:“Do you struggle with setting boundaries?”
Cue Candy's existential spiral:
What does “boundaries” even mean here?
Is needing boundaries a sign I’m broken?
Why does this feel like a test I’m failing?
The confusion highlights a bigger issue: Boundaries are often framed as rigid rules, but in reality, they’re fluid. Like adjusting the thermostat—sometimes you need more heat, sometimes you need air.
Boundaries = Wound Management?
We explore the idea that boundaries often exist where healing hasn’t. For example:
Avoiding the news because it’s emotionally overwhelming (a temporary boundary for sensitivity).
Cutting off a toxic friendship (a firmer boundary for self-protection).
But here’s the twist: If there’s no wound, is there even a boundary? When you’re not triggered, you don’t think about walls—you just exist.
The Empath’s Dilemma
For highly sensitive people, boundaries aren’t just interpersonal—they’re energetic. Empaths can absorb others’ emotions like sponges, leading to:
Emotional soup: “Wait, is this my sadness or yours?”
Codependency traps: Trying to “fix” someone else’s feelings to soothe your own discomfort.
The Bubble (their spirit guides) chimes in: Boundaries are temporary tools for healing—not lifelong sentences. Sometimes you need to say, “Not right now,” but that doesn’t mean “Never again.”
Growth vs. Comfort: Where’s the Line?
How do you know when a boundary is serving growth vs. stifling it?
Growth requires tension (like lifting weights).
But pain shouldn’t be perpetual. If a relationship only hurts, it might be time to walk away.
The Bubble’s take: "Your soul craves growth, but your human side gets to say, ‘I need a break.’"
Reframing Boundaries: What Do You Allow?
Instead of asking, “Do I need a boundary?” try:
🔹 “What do I want to allow into my life?”, per Lee Harris' July Energies
🔹 “Does this align with who I am now?”
This shifts boundaries from defensive walls to conscious choices.
Final Takeaways
Boundaries aren’t one-size-fits-all—they change as you heal.
Triggers signal unmet needs—listen to them, but don’t let them dictate forever.
Empaths, protect your energy—ask, “Is this mine or theirs?”
Growth needs friction, but you’re allowed to step out of the fire.
Your Turn: How do you define boundaries? Share your thoughts in the comments!
🎧 Listen to the full episode:
